


Failure Trolls

by Farla



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sgrub Session, Gen, btp, rbtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-07 20:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Farla/pseuds/Farla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twelve of them without a single kill between them. That's the point you ask to be culled out of sheer shame.</p>
<p>It's a good thing Latula has Vriska to explain how to be a proper troll before she screws up even more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CredibilityProblem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CredibilityProblem/gifts).



> Second chapter is the same thing but without Latula's number quirk in case she's too hard to understand.

\-- Latula_Pyrope [LP] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

AG: Hey you're that failure troll again!  
LP: wh4t do you m34n 1ll h4v3 you know 1 4m th3 r4dd3st th3r3 1s  
AG: That's because you're from some cr8zy society of weird freaks who don't even have a proper empress.  
AG: Are you the same bla88ermouth who keeps bothering our "illustrious le8der"?  
LP: not 4t 4ll 1n f4ct K4nkz sa1d h3 w4snt go1ng to t4lk to you b3c4us3 your3 too tr1gg3r1ng  
LP: or 4bout you  
LP: or to 4nyon3 who t4lk3d to you  
LP: 3v3r.  
AG: Is triggering failure troll for 8wesome? I get that a lot. It must be hard for you losers to handle.  
AG: But don't feel too bad, even trolls who aren't total failures like you guys can have trouble with it.  
AG: So why are you here? To take notes? I guess it's the least I can do for you! Maybe you'll do better than Tavrosnore! First off, ditch the loooooooser numbers! 8 is the best number.  
LP: you do 4ct pr3tty r4d  
LP: but on th3 oth3r gr4sp3r th4t g1rl just k1ll3d you  
AG: Yeah I know!!!!!!!!  
AG: And it's all because of me getting her that robot body! I don't even care Equius stole the credit for that anymore!  
LP: 4nd th3n you h4d 4n 4rgum3nt w1th th3 oth3r k1d wr1tt3n 1n your own blood  
LP: 4nd st1ll lost 1t  
AG: It's not my fault Tavrodork didn't kill me! I gave him every last chance to do it! He only even managed to run off because I'd already died, o8ay???????? I was so great I could control him even when I was practically dead!  
AG: That doesn't mean I'm not awesome, it's just that he's so anti-awesome not even I can do anything about it!  
AG: And now I'm a GOD probably because it was the only way I could possibly get more awesome after that!!!!!!!!  
AG: I'd go kill everyone else so they could get in on this but they totally don't deserve anything this great.  
AG: None of them are worthy of being gods like me. Not one.  
AG: Our stupid leader's even making us do the social route to get rid of one of the final bosses, can you believe that?  
AG: Oh wait you probably can because you're all failures who don't have any enemies. Maybe Mr. Anonymous Blood Color can join you losers and let us real players take charge. I bet he'd get along with your shoutypants who can't handle how awesome I am!  
AG: I have all of the enemies now!  
AG: That's how great I am!  
AG: What do you and your loser numbers have to say about that, failure troll?  
  
\- -- Latula_Pyrope [LP] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] -- -  
  
AG: H8Y!!!!!!!!

\-- Latula_Pyrope [LP] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

LP: h3y!!  
AG: Are you one of those lame trolls I heard about? What's up with your handle? Is that your name? What sort of weirdo uses their name for a handle?  
LP: w3 dont h4v3 h4ndl3s on my world. 1ts 4gn41st th3 rul3s to h1d3 your 1d3nt1ty  
AG: Wow, that's harsh!!!!!!!!  
AG: Karkat was saying none of you have real problems and won't shut up about them but it sounds like things are even stricter over there than on Alternia.  
AG: So you're Pyrope. You and Terezi must get along great.  
LP: no who's th4t?  
AG: She's the one with the big red glasses. Those are because of me! Tell her I said that and also that she's a loser.  
LP: 1 h4v3nt r34lly h4d t1m3 to look 4t most of your group  
LP: w3 only just got 1n cont4ct 4nd 1 just look3d 4t som3 4t r4ndom  
LP: 1 thought h3y you s33m l1k3 4 pr3tty r4d grl  
LP: youv3 got th4t cool sp1d3r-p1r4t3 th3m3 4nd th3 3v3n cool3r rock3t boots 4nd 3v3ryth1ng 4nd your3 do1ng so gr34t 4t th3 g4m3  
LP: not l1k3 my pos3r t34mm4t3s!!   
LP: 4nd 4pp4r3ntly you pl4y3d som3 r34lly d4ng3rous g4m3z b4ck on your pl4n3t too! just l1k3 1 do.   
LP: 4nd 1 just h4d to ch4t w1th 4nyon3 who could m4k3 k4nkl3s sp33chl3ss!!!!  
LP: th3 only th1ng th4ts 3v3r don3 th4t b3for3 w4s 4 j4w 1njury 4nd 3v3n th3n h3 d1dnt 4ctu4lly stop w3 just couldnt und3rst4nd h1m  
LP: but 1 s4w som3th1ng 4wful h4pp3n to you  
LP: 4nd wh3n 1 m4n4g3d to t4lk to you 1t s33m3d l1k3 you w3r3 4ct1ng unb4l4nc3d 4nd m4yb3 br41nd4m4g3d  
LP: so 1 d14l3d b4ck to h3r3 to w4rn you th4t th3 cr1ppl3d grl 1s go1ng to com3 4nd k1ll you  
AG: Terezi? No way. Besides I could take her and her stupid cane any day.  
LP: not th3 c4n3 on3 th3 grl w1th th3 robot1c mov3m3nt sh3ll. 1 dont know h3r n4m3. sh3 wont t4lk to 4ny of us.  
AG: Really????????  
AG: She's probably all calm about it.  
AG: im just d0ing this 8ecause the v0ices say s0 still completely 0k about everything  
AG: But it still totally counts! I'm going to tell her that. She can try to 8e cool a8out it all she wants 8ut it doesn't change the f8cts.  
LP: 4ctu4lly sh3 s33m3d pr3tty fur1ous  
LP: 1 dont know wh4t sh3s scr34m1ng 4t you but sh3 do3s 1t 4 lot  
LP: th3n sh3 k1lls you  
AG: TH8T 8ITCH!!!!!!!!  
AG: She said she didn't care!!!!!!!!!  
AG: That she was 8k with it!  
LP: w1th wh4t?  
AG: Me killing her! 8ut afterward no matter what I said to her she kept pretending she didn't care! Even 8fter she got my awesome 8resent!  
AG: And I fell for it!!!!!!!! Like a chump!  
AG: 8ut I'm not a sore loser. I'll admit it. She got me good.  
AG: I should've known she couldn't really not h8 me.  
AG: I'm Spinnerette Mindfang after all!  
AG: The best there is!!!!!!!!  
AG: Everyone h8s me!!!!!!!!  
AG: I can't wait to rub this in Eridan's face.  
AG: He 8et me he could fill the quadrant first, can you 8elieve that looooooooser!  
AG: I could fill every one eight times over before him!  
LP: 1m not t4lk1ng 4bout bl4ck ov3rtur3s  
AG: Are you suuuuuuuure? I killed her and now she's going to kill me, right? What else would that be?  
LP: m4yb3 w3 h4v3 d1ff3r3nt sl4ng  
LP: by k1ll 1 m34n sh3 w1ll us3 h3r ps1on1c pow3rs to sm4sh you 1nto th3 ground unt1l 4ll your c4lc1um rods 4r3 powd3r.  
LP: not wh4t3ver you d1d to h3r.  
AG: No, we're totally on the same page here :::;)  
AG: I mindcontrolled her best friend into blowing up her whole lawnring!!!!!!!!  
AG: Although to be totally honest I didn't mean to do that exactly.  
AG: I was only aiming for her but Sollux has no control with his powers at all! He just left one giant crater. He's such a loser!!!!!!!!  
AG: I was going for just a nice hole in her torso or something. Or a beheading.  
AG: And then she didn't even care I'd also killed her lusus and blown up all her stuff.  
AG: I mean what's even the point of doing aaaaaaall that if she doesn't even care?  
AG: She just kept saying she didn't care and she was okay with it.  
AG: You know what I mean???????? It was 8wful.  
AG: And it can't have just been that she was a ghost because 8elieve me ghosts won't stop moaning about you killing them!  
AG: I mean that was the whole reason I had to kill her in the first place, to shut all the other ones up!  
AG: All BOO HOO HOO you kiiiiiiiilled us and took our sweet loot for your piles and got aaaaaaaall the levels.  
AG: But there she was trolling me about how just because I killed her she doesn't even care about anything anymore!  
AG: All a load of fairy8ullshit.  
AG: Hey, there she is now!  
AG: This is going

\-- arachnidsGrip's [AG's] computer has exploded --

 

\-- Latula_Pyrope [LP] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

LP: h3llo r4dsp1grl  
AG: Oh you again.  
AG: Hey, are there any of you who aren't losers?  
AG: Come on, one of you must have an actual kill count.  
LP: w3v3 4ll k1ll3d lots 3n3m13s  
LP: so m4ny 1v3 lost tr4ck!!  
LP: 1m prob4bly on my w4y to 4 h1scor3 4s usu4l 8)   
LP: must b3 h4rd3r ov3r 1n your g4m3 s1nc3 no on3 on our t34m w4s dumb 3nough to prototyp3 1n 4 horrort3rror  
AG: Oh would that make things harder for non-awesome failure trolls?  
AG: I hadn't noticed :::;P  
AG: Who cares about those dumb things anyway, I meant the kind of kills that matter!  
AG: You know! Other trolls!  
LP: oh you m34n l1k3 how th4t robot g1rl k1ll3d you onc3 alr34dy  
LP: no th4t h4snt h4pp3n3d ov3r h3r3  
LP: only und3rl1ngs 4lthough not for l4ck of try1ng by p4ych3ck  
LP: sh3's tr13d to k1ll 4 f3w of us  
AG: Maaaaaaaan I don't know if I should be impressed or horrified.  
LP: d3f1n1t3ly th3 s3cond  
AG: You're right. 100% failure rate is pretty crappy! I admit I only tried to kill one of our group. Or one and a half I guess. But at least I succeeded at all of it!  
AG: You should tell her to hit me up sometime, I can give her some advice on being less of a failure too.  
LP: n4h th3 r3st of us h4v3n't told h3r 4bout cont4ct1ng your group y3t  
AG: Why not???????? How's she ever going to shape up without some real advice?  
AG: I am the best at that!  
LP: 1s 1t r34lly tru3 your own tyr4nblood3d rul3r rul3s w1th 1ron m4n1pul4tors 4nd k1lls 4ll who oppos3 h3r?  
AG: She kills lots of people who don't, too! I guess failure trolls like you guys don't have someone cool like that in charge. You'd all have been culled aaaaaaaages ago!  
AG: I was planning on leading a rebellion against her when I grew up. My friend Feferi's got tyran blood too, you know, so she could rule instead!  
LP: th4ts r34lly nobl3 of you  
AG: Yeah I'd be like, double-noble once I wipe out the seadwellers and the other bluebloods. Equius is always going on about how I'm not acting like a proper blueblood. I'll be the most proper fucking blueblood once all the others are dead!  
AG: Well, not Equius. He'd be one of my slaves obviously, building me cool stuff. Really he'd be happier there since I know he agrees that Feferi should have the throne and also not get murdered and all that but he just starts stammering and sweating even harder if you say anything.  
AG: Or like, Aradia's? I'm not sure what's up with them but I could give her him as a peace offering so we could work together again if she wants the freak. Since apparently my other gift wasn't good enough and she's pretending to ignore me again!!!!!!!!  
AG: Hey, you guys can scroll around our timelines too right? Do you know what's up with them? Because I have no fucking idea. Equius was saying they were matesprites but he's missing even more teeth than usual and Karkat said he's finally managed to sweat his cognition lumps out of his thinkpan. I caaaaaaaan't give her him if they're kismesises or something. She'd just be more mad at me for it and he'd die.  
LP: 4ctu4lly 1n my soc13ty nobl3 h4s 4 d1ff3r3nt m34ning  
AG: It's probably a stupid meaning like the rest of your stupid society.  
AG: What is it?  
LP: 1t m34ns do1ng som3th1ng th4ts r1ght for som3on3 3ls3 3v3n 1f 1ts 4 r1sk or 4 s4cr1f1c3 for yours3lf  
AG: Oh.  
AG: That's dumb.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling Latula_Pyrope [LP] --

 

 

\-- Latula_Pyrope [LP] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

LP: h3y  
AG: What do you want?  
AG: 8re you here to tell me not to 8o it? Because I'm completely 888% right!!!!!!!! Even Equius would agree!  
AG: Even him!  
AG: 8esi8es it's 8ll inevit88le anyway right?  
AG: There's no point in telling me not to do what I'm inevitably going to do!  
LP: 1 don't know wh4t you'r3 go1ng to do  
LP: 1 th1nk th1s m4y b3 th3 l4st t1m3 1 c4n cont4ct you 4t 4ll.  
AG: Oh right.  
AG: You know I never really thought much about that!  
AG: I just figured by now we'd know why that was happening.  
AG: That it was one of those things that only seemed mysterious until it came up and then it'd be old news.  
AG: We'd have laughed at our past selves for not seeing how obvious it was.  
AG: In the future we'd have solved everything.  
AG: But actually things would make even less sense once we got to them!  
LP: so wh4t 4r3 you go1ng to do?  
AG: Exactly what I said I would! I don't need to cheat or anything, not when I have all the luck.  
AG: I'll let him try to kill me. He'll get the first move.  
AG: He'll fail because I'm the best troll to ever live.  
AG: Then I'll kill him.  
LP: ok  
LP: why?  
AG: 8ecause that's wh8t I want to do and I'm completely right to do it!  
AG: Everyone knows it.  
AG: He used up all of the chances. None of the chances are left.  
AG: I gave him the chance to kill me.  
AG: I even let him leave me to bleed out instead!!!!!!!!  
AG: I didn't have to do that.  
AG: I didn't have to do that at all.  
AG: In fact back home I'D be getting in trouble for letting him act like this toward me.  
LP: r34lly? 1t wouldnt h4v3 on our pl4n3t  
AG: So wh8t!!!!!!!!  
AG: I don't care about your stupid planet full of stupid failure trolls who have stupid words and can't even kill people properly!  
AG: 8esides I'm still not forcing him to do anything even after all this.  
LP: ok  
AG: It's his choice!  
AG: He's the one coming to kill me.  
AG: He should know there's no way he could ever win.  
LP: h3 th1nks h3ll w1n?  
AG: I don't know.  
AG: I guess.  
LP: h3d h4v3 to b3 r34lly conf1d3nt to th1nk th4t.  
LP: 4nd pr3tty dumb  
LP: 1 thought you s41d h3 w4s sm4rt  
LP: 4nd you w3r3 4lw4ys compl41n1ng h3 w4s 4 cow4rd  
LP: but 1 gu3ss you w3r3 tot4lly wrong 4bout 4ll th4t  
AG: Well maybe he's finally learned something from all the work I put in teaching him to be a proper troll!!!!!!!!  
LP: m4yb3  
LP: d1d h3 s4y why h3 thought h3d b3 4bl3 to d3f34t you?  
AG: KILL. Be able to KIIIIIIIILL me.  
AG: Is everybody too lame to say what's really going on now?  
AG: He said he had to try anyway.  
LP: th4t sounds l1k3 som3thing you s4y wh3n you don't th1nk youll w1n  
AG: He thinks he's the hero.  
AG: But I'm the hero.  
AG: I'm going to save everyone.  
LP: 3xc3pt for h1m b3c4us3 h3'll b3 d34d.  
AG: Right.  
LP: so  
LP: you guys h4v3 b4s1c4lly f1n1sh3d th3 g4m3 now r1ght wh3n d1d you f1nd som3 w4y to g3t b4ck to your pl4n3t???  
AG: What? No! Why would we? That stupid place is burnt rubble.  
LP: you w3r3 s4y1ng youd b3 1n troubl3 1f you d1dnt k1ll h1m.  
AG: I would have been! Back then.  
LP: but not 4nymor3?  
AG: No!!!!!!!! Don't be stupid. We even exiled a bunch of chess people to the desert that's all that's left.  
AG: Everybody who ever lived there is dead!  
AG: It couldn't be more gone if it exploded. If the whole universe exploded!  
LP: so th4t do3snt m4tt3r th3n  
LP: 1 m34n  
LP: you w3r3 pl4nn1ng on l34d1ng 4n 4w3som3 r4d-b3ll1on b4ck wh3n 4ll thos3 p3opl3 w3r3 st1ll th3r3 c4ll1ng th3 shots 4nd t4k1ng th3 pl4ce ov3r 4nyw4y  
LP: wh1l3 only 4 tot4l f41lur3 would do wh4t th3y s41d 4ft3r th3y w3r3 4ll d34d  
AG: He's the one who's coming to kill me!  
AG: It's no different than killing those guys!  
LP: r34lly?  
LP: but 1 thought you s41d your pl4n3t w4s rul3d by 4n 4ll pow3rful 3mpr3ss s3rv3d by l3g1ons of t3rr1fy1ng subjuggul4t3rs who could crush th31r oppon3nts' 41r bl4dd3r c4g3s w1th on3 sw1ng of th31r clubs 4nd 3ndl3ss 4rm13s 4rm13s of 1mp3r14l dron3s  
LP: 1 d1dnt r34l1z3 t4vros w4s so pow3rful!  
LP: 1 thought h3 w4snt 3v3n god t13r l1k3 you  
LP: 1 c4n't b3l13v3 1 m1ss3d th4t  
LP: totz l4m3 of m3!!!  
LP: 4nd h3 must h4v3 don3 4 lot of l3v3ling 4ft3r th4t wh1ch 1s r34lly surpr1s1ng s1nc3 you w3r3 s4y1ng h3 4vo1d3d f1ght1ng 4nd w4s w4y b3h1nd 3v3ryon3  
LP: p4g3 of br34th must b3 on3 pow3rful cl4ss to b3 so d4ng3rous to som3on3 4s r4d1c4lly cool 4s you  
AG: If you're so smart than what do I do next?  
LP: 1 told you w3r3 4lmost 4t th3 po1nt w3'll los3 s1ght of you  
LP: so 1 dont know  
AG: Well what do I do when that happens?  
AG: What's the last thing you see?  
LP: your3 st1ll 4t th3 comput3r  
AG: It happens really soon doesn't it.  
AG: Do our sessions lose touch then?  
LP: 1 dont know  
LP: th4ts r34lly 4ll w3 know 4bout 1t th4t w3 dont know 4bout 1t  
LP: m4yb3 w3 los3 cont4ct  
LP: m4yb3 w3 4ll stop 3x1st1ng  
LP: m4yb3 th3 progr4m h4s 4 gl1tch 1n th3 v13wport  
AG: Everything's still inevitable though. We don't really have a choice since whatever it is that happens always has to happen.  
LP: wh4t3v3r th4t 1s  
LP: but wh3n you don't know wh4t w1ll h4pp3n 1t f33ls pr3tty s1m1l4r to not b31ng 1n3v1t4bl3  
AG: I was planning to go meet Tavros. For the fight.  
AG: How long do we talk?  
LP: 1 dont know  
LP: how3v3r long w3 3nd up t4lk1ng  
LP: but s1nc3 1t m1ght b3 th3 l4st t1m3 w3 g3t to t4lk  
LP: c4n you t3ll m3 mor3 4bout th4t b1g fl4rp c4mp41gn you m3nt1on3d?  
  


 

 


	2. Chapter 2

\-- Latula_Pyrope [LP] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

AG: Hey you're that failure troll again!  
LP: what do you mean ill have you know i am the raddest there is  
AG: That's because you're from some cr8zy society of weird freaks who don't even have a proper empress.  
AG: Are you the same bla88ermouth who keeps bothering our "illustrious le8der"?  
LP: not at all in fact kankz said he wasnt going to talk to you because youre too triggering  
LP: or about you  
LP: or to anyone who talked to you  
LP: ever.  
AG: Is triggering failure troll for 8wesome? I get that a lot. It must be hard for you losers to handle.  
AG: But don't feel too bad, even trolls who aren't total failures like you guys can have trouble with it.  
AG: So why are you here? To take notes? I guess it's the least I can do for you! Maybe you'll do better than Tavrosnore! First off, ditch the loooooooser numbers! 8 is the best number.  
LP: you do act pretty rad  
LP: but on the other grasper that girl just killed you  
AG: Yeah I know!!!!!!!!  
AG: And it's all because of me getting her that robot body! I don't even care Equius stole the credit for that anymore!  
LP: and then you had an argument with the other kid written in your own blood  
LP: and still lost it  
AG: It's not my fault Tavrodork didn't kill me! I gave him every last chance to do it! He only even managed to run off because I'd already died, o8ay???????? I was so great I could control him even when I was practically dead!  
AG: That doesn't mean I'm not awesome, it's just that he's so anti-awesome not even I can do anything about it!  
AG: And now I'm a GOD probably because it was the only way I could possibly get more awesome after that!!!!!!!!  
AG: I'd go kill everyone else so they could get in on this but they totally don't deserve anything this great.  
AG: None of them are worthy of being gods like me. Not one.  
AG: Our stupid leader's even making us do the social route to get rid of one of the final bosses, can you believe that?  
AG: Oh wait you probably can because you're all failures who don't have any enemies. Maybe Mr. Anonymous Blood Color can join you losers and let us real players take charge. I bet he'd get along with your shoutypants who can't handle how awesome I am!  
AG: I have all of the enemies now!  
AG: That's how great I am!  
AG: What do you and your loser numbers have to say about that, failure troll?  
  
\- -- Latula_Pyrope [LP] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] -- -  
  
AG: H8Y!!!!!!!!

\-- Latula_Pyrope [LP] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

LP: hey!!  
AG: Are you one of those lame trolls I heard about? What's up with your handle? Is that your name? What sort of weirdo uses their name for a handle?  
LP: we dont have handles on my world. its against the rules to hide your identity  
AG: Wow, that's harsh!!!!!!!!  
AG: Karkat was saying none of you have real problems and won't shut up about them but it sounds like things are even stricter over there than on Alternia.  
AG: So you're Pyrope. You and Terezi must get along great.  
LP: no who's that?  
AG: She's the one with the big red glasses. Those are because of me! Tell her I said that and also that she's a loser.  
LP: i havent really had time to look at most of your group  
LP: we only just got in contact and i just looked at some at random  
LP: i thought hey you seem like a pretty rad grl  
LP: youve got that cool spider-pirate theme and the even cooler rocket boots and everything and youre doing so great at the game  
LP: not like my poser teammates!! LP: and apparently you played some really dangerous gamez back on your planet too! just like i do.  
LP: and i just had to chat with anyone who could make kankles speechless!!!!  
LP: the only thing thats ever done that before was a jaw injury and even then he didnt actually stop we just couldnt understand him  
LP: but i saw something awful happen to you  
LP: and when i managed to talk to you it seemed like you were acting unbalanced and maybe braindamaged  
LP: so i dialed back to here to warn you that the crippled grl is going to come and kill you  
AG: Terezi? No way. Besides I could take her and her stupid cane any day.  
LP: not the cane one the grl with the robotic movement shell. i dont know her name. she wont talk to any of us.  
AG: Really????????  
AG: She's probably all calm about it.  
AG: im just d0ing this 8ecause the v0ices say s0 still completely 0k about everything  
AG: But it still totally counts! I'm going to tell her that. She can try to 8e cool a8out it all she wants 8ut it doesn't change the f8cts.  
LP: actually she seemed pretty furious  
LP: i dont know what shes screaming at you but she does it a lot  
LP: then she kills you  
AG: TH8T 8ITCH!!!!!!!!  
AG: She said she didn't care!!!!!!!!!  
AG: That she was 8k with it!  
LP: with what?  
AG: Me killing her! 8ut afterward no matter what I said to her she kept pretending she didn't care! Even 8fter she got my awesome 8resent!  
AG: And I fell for it!!!!!!!! Like a chump!  
AG: 8ut I'm not a sore loser. I'll admit it. She got me good.  
AG: I should've known she couldn't really not h8 me.  
AG: I'm Spinnerette Mindfang after all!  
AG: The best there is!!!!!!!!  
AG: Everyone h8s me!!!!!!!!  
AG: I can't wait to rub this in Eridan's face.  
AG: He 8et me he could fill the quadrant first, can you 8elieve that looooooooser!  
AG: I could fill every one eight times over before him!  
LP: im not talking about black overtures  
AG: Are you suuuuuuuure? I killed her and now she's going to kill me, right? What else would that be?  
LP: maybe we have different slang  
LP: by kill i mean she will use her psionic powers to smash you into the ground until all your calcium rods are powder.  
LP: not whatever you did to her.  
AG: No, we're totally on the same page here :::;)  
AG: I mindcontrolled her best friend into blowing up her whole lawnring!!!!!!!!  
AG: Although to be totally honest I didn't mean to do that exactly.  
AG: I was only aiming for her but Sollux has no control with his powers at all! He just left one giant crater. He's such a loser!!!!!!!!  
AG: I was going for just a nice hole in her torso or something. Or a beheading.  
AG: And then she didn't even care I'd also killed her lusus and blown up all her stuff.  
AG: I mean what's even the point of doing aaaaaaall that if she doesn't even care?  
AG: She just kept saying she didn't care and she was okay with it.  
AG: You know what I mean???????? It was 8wful.  
AG: And it can't have just been that she was a ghost because 8elieve me ghosts won't stop moaning about you killing them!  
AG: I mean that was the whole reason I had to kill her in the first place, to shut all the other ones up!  
AG: All BOO HOO HOO you kiiiiiiiilled us and took our sweet loot for your piles and got aaaaaaaall the levels.  
AG: But there she was trolling me about how just because I killed her she doesn't even care about anything anymore!  
AG: All a load of fairy8ullshit.  
AG: Hey, there she is now!  
AG: This is going

\-- arachnidsGrip's [AG's] computer has exploded --

 

\-- Latula_Pyrope [LP] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

LP: hello radspigrl  
AG: Oh you again.  
AG: Hey, are there any of you who aren't losers?  
AG: Come on, one of you must have an actual kill count.  
LP: weve all killed lots enemies  
LP: so many ive lost track!!  
LP: im probably on my way to a hiscore as usual 8)  
LP: must be harder over in your game since no one on our team was dumb enough to prototype in a horrorterror  
AG: Oh would that make things harder for non-awesome failure trolls?  
AG: I hadn't noticed :::;P  
AG: Who cares about those dumb things anyway, I meant the kind of kills that matter!  
AG: You know! Other trolls!  
LP: oh you mean like how that robot girl killed you once already  
LP: no that hasnt happened over here  
LP: only underlings although not for lack of trying by paycheck  
LP: she's tried to kill a few of us  
AG: Maaaaaaaan I don't know if I should be impressed or horrified.  
LP: definitely the second  
AG: You're right. 100% failure rate is pretty crappy! I admit I only tried to kill one of our group. Or one and a half I guess. But at least I succeeded at all of it!  
AG: You should tell her to hit me up sometime, I can give her some advice on being less of a failure too.  
LP: nah the rest of us haven't told her about contacting your group yet  
AG: Why not???????? How's she ever going to shape up without some real advice?  
AG: I am the best at that!  
LP: is it really true your own tyranblooded ruler rules with iron manipulators and kills all who oppose her?  
AG: She kills lots of people who don't, too! I guess failure trolls like you guys don't have someone cool like that in charge. You'd all have been culled aaaaaaaages ago!  
AG: I was planning on leading a rebellion against her when I grew up. My friend Feferi's got tyran blood too, you know, so she could rule instead!  
LP: thats really noble of you  
AG: Yeah I'd be like, double-noble once I wipe out the seadwellers and the other bluebloods. Equius is always going on about how I'm not acting like a proper blueblood. I'll be the most proper fucking blueblood once all the others are dead!  
AG: Well, not Equius. He'd be one of my slaves obviously, building me cool stuff. Really he'd be happier there since I know he agrees that Feferi should have the throne and also not get murdered and all that but he just starts stammering and sweating even harder if you say anything.  
AG: Or like, Aradia's? I'm not sure what's up with them but I could give her him as a peace offering so we could work together again if she wants the freak. Since apparently my other gift wasn't good enough and she's pretending to ignore me again!!!!!!!!  
AG: Hey, you guys can scroll around our timelines too right? Do you know what's up with them? Because I have no fucking idea. Equius was saying they were matesprites but he's missing even more teeth than usual and Karkat said he's finally managed to sweat his cognition lumps out of his thinkpan. I caaaaaaaan't give her him if they're kismesises or something. She'd just be more mad at me for it and he'd die.  
LP: actually in my society noble has a different meaning  
AG: It's probably a stupid meaning like the rest of your stupid society.  
AG: What is it?  
LP: it means doing something thats right for someone else even if its a risk or a sacrifice for yourself  
AG: Oh.  
AG: That's dumb.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling Latula_Pyrope [LP] --

 

 

\-- Latula_Pyrope [LP] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

LP: hey  
AG: What do you want?  
AG: 8re you here to tell me not to 8o it? Because I'm completely 888% right!!!!!!!! Even Equius would agree!  
AG: Even him!  
AG: 8esi8es it's 8ll inevit88le anyway right?  
AG: There's no point in telling me not to do what I'm inevitably going to do!  
LP: i don't know what you're going to do  
LP: i think this may be the last time i can contact you at all.  
AG: Oh right.  
AG: You know I never really thought much about that!  
AG: I just figured by now we'd know why that was happening.  
AG: That it was one of those things that only seemed mysterious until it came up and then it'd be old news.  
AG: We'd have laughed at our past selves for not seeing how obvious it was.  
AG: In the future we'd have solved everything.  
AG: But actually things would make even less sense once we got to them!  
LP: so what are you going to do?  
AG: Exactly what I said I would! I don't need to cheat or anything, not when I have all the luck.  
AG: I'll let him try to kill me. He'll get the first move.  
AG: He'll fail because I'm the best troll to ever live.  
AG: Then I'll kill him.  
LP: ok  
LP: why?  
AG: 8ecause that's wh8t I want to do and I'm completely right to do it!  
AG: Everyone knows it.  
AG: He used up all of the chances. None of the chances are left.  
AG: I gave him the chance to kill me.  
AG: I even let him leave me to bleed out instead!!!!!!!!  
AG: I didn't have to do that.  
AG: I didn't have to do that at all.  
AG: In fact back home I'D be getting in trouble for letting him act like this toward me.  
LP: really? it wouldnt have on our planet  
AG: So wh8t!!!!!!!!  
AG: I don't care about your stupid planet full of stupid failure trolls who have stupid words and can't even kill people properly!  
AG: 8esides I'm still not forcing him to do anything even after all this.  
LP: ok  
AG: It's his choice!  
AG: He's the one coming to kill me.  
AG: He should know there's no way he could ever win.  
LP: he thinks hell win?  
AG: I don't know.  
AG: I guess.  
LP: hed have to be really confident to think that.  
LP: and pretty dumb  
LP: i thought you said he was smart  
LP: and you were always complaining he was a coward  
LP: but i guess you were totally wrong about all that  
AG: Well maybe he's finally learned something from all the work I put in teaching him to be a proper troll!!!!!!!!  
LP: maybe  
LP: did he say why he thought hed be able to defeat you?  
AG: KILL. Be able to KIIIIIIIILL me.  
AG: Is everybody too lame to say what's really going on now?  
AG: He said he had to try anyway.  
LP: that sounds like something you say when you don't think youll win  
AG: He thinks he's the hero.  
AG: But I'm the hero.  
AG: I'm going to save everyone.  
LP: except for him because he'll be dead.  
AG: Right.  
LP: so  
LP: you guys have basically finished the game now right when did you find some way to get back to your planet???  
AG: What? No! Why would we? That stupid place is burnt rubble.  
LP: you were saying youd be in trouble if you didnt kill him.  
AG: I would have been! Back then.  
LP: but not anymore?  
AG: No!!!!!!!! Don't be stupid. We even exiled a bunch of chess people to the desert that's all that's left.  
AG: Everybody who ever lived there is dead!  
AG: It couldn't be more gone if it exploded. If the whole universe exploded!  
LP: so that doesnt matter then  
LP: i mean  
LP: you were planning on leading an awesome rad-bellion back when all those people were still there calling the shots and taking the place over anyway  
LP: while only a total failure would do what they said after they were all dead  
AG: He's the one who's coming to kill me!  
AG: It's no different than killing those guys!  
LP: really?  
LP: but i thought you said your planet was ruled by an all powerful empress served by legions of terrifying subjuggulaters who could crush their opponents' air bladder cages with one swing of their clubs and endless armies armies of imperial drones  
LP: i didnt realize tavros was so powerful!  
LP: i thought he wasnt even god tier like you  
LP: i can't believe i missed that  
LP: totz lame of me!!!   
LP: and he must have done a lot of leveling after that which is really surprising since you were saying he avoided fighting and was way behind everyone  
LP: page of breath must be one powerful class to be so dangerous to someone as radically cool as you  
AG: If you're so smart than what do I do next?  
LP: i told you were almost at the point we'll lose sight of you  
LP: so i dont know  
AG: Well what do I do when that happens?  
AG: What's the last thing you see?  
LP: youre still at the computer  
AG: It happens really soon doesn't it.  
AG: Do our sessions lose touch then?  
LP: i dont know  
LP: thats really all we know about it that we dont know about it  
LP: maybe we lose contact  
LP: maybe we all stop existing  
LP: maybe the program has a glitch in the viewport  
AG: Everything's still inevitable though. We don't really have a choice since whatever it is that happens always has to happen.  
LP: whatever that is  
LP: but when you don't know what will happen it feels pretty similar to not being inevitable  
AG: I was planning to go meet Tavros. For the fight.  
AG: How long do we talk?  
LP: i dont know  
LP: however long we end up talking  
LP: but since it might be the last time we get to talk  
LP: can you tell me more about that big flarp campaign you mentioned?  
  


 

 


End file.
